An annotated thermometer
(degrees Farenheit/Celcius)

+60 / +15
Californians put on sweaters
(if they can find one in their wardrobe)

+50 / +10
New York tenants turn on the heat
Wisconsinites plant gardens

+40 / +4
You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Wisconsinites sunbathe
Minnesotans go swimming

+35 / +2
Italian cars don't start

+32 / 0
Distilled water freezes

+30 / -1
British cars don't start
Your boogers freeze
You plan a vacation in Florida
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
Minnesotans put on T-shirts
Wisconsinites eat ice cream

+25 / -4
Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming

+20 / -7
New York City water freezes
Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts
Miami residents plan vacations further south

+15 / -10
French cars don't start;
You plan a vacation in Acapulco
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
Wisconsinites go swimming

+10 / -12
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
Too cold to snow
Too cold to ski
You need jumper cables to get the car going

0 / -18
You plan your vacation in Houston
New York landlords turn on the heat
Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio, yum!

-5 / -21
American cars don't start
You can hear your breath
You plan a vacation in Hawaii

-10 / -23
Alaskans put on T-shirts
German cars don't start
Too cold to skate
Eyes freeze shut when you blink

-15 / -26
You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Miamians cease to exist
Arkansans stick their tongues on metal objects
Wisconsinites lick flagpoles

-20 / -29
Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens

-25/-32
Too cold to kiss
You need jumper cables to get the driver going
Japanese cars don't start
Milwaukee Brewers head for spring training
International Falls Chamber of Commerce sponsors "Freeze
Your Gizzard Blizzard Marathon"

-30 / -34
You plan a two-week hot bath
Pilsener freezes
Bock beer production begins
The mighty Monongahela freezes;
Swedish cars don't start.
Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof

-38 / -39
Mercury freezes
Too cold to think
Your car helps you plan your trip south
Wisconsinites button top button

-40 / -40
Some Californians disappear
Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
Canadians put on sweaters
International Falls natives put on a parka and go ice
fishing, snowmobiling and skiing;

-50 / -46
Congressional hot air freezes
Wisconsinites close the bathroom window
Green Bay Packers practice indoors

-60 / -51
Walruses abandon Aleutians
Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season"
Wisconsinites put gloves away, take out mittens
Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

-70 / -57
Glaciers in Central Park
Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault
Ste. Marie

-80 / -62
Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
Girl Scouts in Eau Claire, WI. start Klondike Derby

-90 / -68
Polar bears move south
Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
Minnesotans migrate to Wisconsin thinking it MUST be warmer

-100 / -73
Santa Claus abandons North Pol
Wisconsinites pull down earflaps

-173 / -114
Ethyl alcohol freezes
Only Door County cherries usable in brandy Manhattans

-297 / -183
Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere
Microbial life survives only on dairy products

-445 / -265
Superconductivity

-452 / -269
Helium becomes a liquid

-454 / -270
Hell freezes over

-456 / -271
Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90 North to
Wisconsin.

-458 / -272
Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution

-460 / -273 (Absolute Zero)
All atomic motion ceases
Wisconsinites allow as to how it's getting a mite bit nippy
Children call home from college
END OF THE WORLD!!!


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