Cows, capitalism and nationalities
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your
herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them
and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other
to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised
when the cow drops dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly listed company, using letters of credit
opened by your brother-in-law at
the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a
Cayman Island company secretly
owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights
to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual
report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the
United States,
leaving you with nine cows. No balance
sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create
clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity,
and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have 2 cows, News limited buys them for an
inflated price.
they eat clover for months and produce nothing. Rupert gets
pissed off at another one of his children.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42
cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of
vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You
charge others for
storing them.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open
a
milk factory, an ice
cream store, and then sell the movie
rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors.
So, who needs people?
A WELSH CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.